Power Rankings

How could I not rank our team as #1? 1st-time captain Dawson C. looks to take his squad all the way. This team is loaded with talent and has one of the deepest rosters in the league. This team’s only downfall is that league photographer Dave A. will be busy playing in their games instead of snapping photos of them on the field. Expect to see Royal posing for action shots pre & post game for our instas.

This team looks to be an early favorite to win it all. Commissioner & QB Cam M. has many, many weapons at his disposal including rookie Ethan S., Drew C., Zach G., and the Hoyler brothers. Will Captain Andrew get jealous though when his brother gets more targets than him and bring the team crashing down? Will he appoint long time QB Brian Hotchkiss as the new starting QB to “fix” the problem? Only time will tell.

This team has the roster and talent to go all the way. Another well drafted squad by the poppers king, 2X defensive MVP & Captain Luie will go as far as their QB Oriya C. takes them. After coming back from a tough injury last season in the final 4, will Oriya be able to return back to normal form? The team sure has the supporting cast to do so. One thing we can count on is this team smelling like fireball and poppers post game at Shakers. (You know who you are.)

A Ben H.-led team is almost a guarantee to make the final 4 every season and I do not think that changes this season either. This team has multiple weapons on offense to get them there, Brandon R., Andy A., Marvin W.— however they will need to win on offense alone because I am not sure who is going to play defense on this squad. Maybe defending champion captain Jens can figure out a way to put a defense together to keep this team balanced.

Defending champion & short king QB William Wyatt Eck had one of the greatest playoff performances in known DCGFFL history last season and looks to prove it wasn’t a fluke. This appears to be a well rounded team led by league vet Alonzo M. - however rumor has it that both their QB and star Chad M. will be missing 3+ games which could affect their playoff seeding. I do know that pastry chef Patrick B. will (hopefully) be baking up some tasty treats throughout the season and I WILL be stopping by this team’s sideline each week.

WARNING: If you are a receiver on this team, say goodbye to your fingers, because QB Aaron B. simply does not care about them. Think 100 mph fast ball coming straight at you. Hopefully you all drafted a team that can catch them. This team does have some good talent though with “The Summer I Turned Pretty”-obsessed Jordan M., rookie Luke A., and league vet Daniel B. 3rd-time captain Morgan is looking refreshed after his week long Italy trip and is ready to make a run in the playoffs. Watch out for this team - no actually - be careful and don’t take your eyes off the ball!

This team has by far the nicest and most friendly roster in the league (except for Rob). You literally can’t hate this team and I have nothing mean to say. With ex-commish Logan D. and everyone’s favorite teammate Austin P. leading the way, this team will have peak vibes win or lose and will be high in demand for team mixers. This is an early dark horse team and I believe they have the roster to have a very successful season.

This team has a lot of ….personality….. Captain Juan & QB AJ R. both have championship experience and I am VERY curious to see how this team shakes out. Will this team be able to stick together if things don’t go as planned? Will AJ’s “run around and get open” model work for this group? Will Juan ever be able to beat the captain crash-out allegations? I think this team finishes middle of the pack and averages a minimum of two crash-outs per game this season.

This team is led by QB Mark H. and Tiger R., and I think it’s time to introduce a new stat: IPG (Injuries Per Game) - with a combined total of 37 injuries in the past 5 seasons between the 2, let’s just pray they make it through the season. Maybe that’s why they decided to draft the star center/cone duo of Kenny J. & Mike Z. for extra protection. This team does have a solid roster though with Josh E. looking to have a bounceback MVP worthy season, Nick J. returning for his 3rd season and veterans like Austin A. & Aubrie holding down the fort. I expect this team to finish in the middle of the pack.

I hate to bring age into this, but how can we not? I need someone to do some math and get me the average age for this team. While this team has some VERY good players, will they have anyone left come playoffs? This team’s REAL MVP is going to be a drug called Ibuprofen and some ice. I just know those Monday mornings are going to HURT. I may end up regretting this as I play this team week 1, but I doubt it.

P.S. I do have a best friend that is VERY into daddies - let me know if interested.

This team is STACKED. They have a ton of experience with an astonishing 7 travel players on this squad. However their QB, Kristin L. will be playing multiple games every single week as she is also QBing in the Women’s+ division, as well as the Valkyries in Gay Bowl. That’s a grand total of 23 games in a span of 10 weeks! (more if you include playoffs) Will her arm make it through the entire season? I know mine surely would not. Does captain Michael B. have a back up plan that doesn’t include yelling at the refs?

QB Andre B. is coming off a season where they pulled off arguably one of the greatest playoff upsets in DCGFFL history, knocking off #1 seed Forest in the first round. With 2 established vets Paul W. and John C., as well as a new projected star rookie Chad H. backing him up, this team could get hot and make some noise this season. Although their season is unpredictable, we DO know we will be seeing besties Carnell B. & Alex H. every weekend at Bunker (followed byTaco Bell) post Sunday funday.

This team shows some promise - they have 2 of the fastest players in the league with Nick and Art, strong leadership with vets Andy P. and Matt H.– but they seem to lack a true 4th receiver. Will the newest twink in the league, Chris Riotta-Rogers, step his game up and show us something we’ve never seen before? Will Alex D. and Vinny show up with no hangover? Probably not. I have a feeling we will be seeing this team at 8am come playoffs.

This team has two very experienced leaders with Andrew A. at QB and Trey P. as captain. While this roster has some talent, I do not see this team winning many games and I expect this squad to struggle early with 3 very tough games to start their season. I do think this team can definitely bounce back with a good pick in the supplemental draft and make some noise in the latter half of the season. Keep your heads up until then!!

Rookie QB in Matt R. and long time Captain and DJ lead the way for Kelly Green this season. This squad features some solid and sure handed receivers with Kevin H., Luke R., milk-man Luke B. and veteran Brendan M.. They also have a very good rushing core with DJ and Noah M. If they can hold down the fort on defense while Matt continues to improve at QB every week, this team has a chance to surprise us, or not.

Rookie Chris D. believes he is ready to be our newest star DCGFFL QB. He has the confidence, the swag, a new football and a new pair of cleats. Chris and Brandon M were even able to draft the best dual threat cone/blocker in the league with TJ C., the man with the greatest hair in the league with Michael A., and long time bestie Everett.

…It’s going to be an 8 seed for me and an 8 A.M. play-in game in the playoffs.