Power Rankings

This game was not one of those nail-biters. It’s still smooth sailing for the Light Blue cabin crew – air beats sea as JetBlue Holiday gets a decisive victory over Navy Heather. The reigning number ones nearly ran out of room on the scorecard in their 39-6 win, led by Jordan A’s three TDs and Ryan W’s two. We’re begging for some turbulence, but so far Michael B and Kristin L are proving to be expert pilots.

Royal Blue is heating up, winning four straight after a 2-2 start to the season. They held off a solid Forest Green team this week with the help of some clutch picks and a 2 TD, game MVP performance from center Jordan F. Can JC and his court ride this strong play back to the throne, or will they get usurped again by another contender?

Big comeback win for Neon Pink this week, who I’m ranking behind JC’s team mostly to give Wyatt bulletin board material. Zo & Co pulled out the win in a chippy game that featured Chad M. continuing his dominant form with four touchdowns and a pick. With a deep group of extremely capable athletes (and also your intrepid reporter) flying slightly under the radar, it might be giving Spring ‘25 again?

Kelly Green gets back on track, pulling one out against White in the last minute with a calm and collected Matt R at the helm and big contributions from Kevin H and others. I’m curious to see what a team with a talented rookie QB and this seasoned veteran core can do in the playoffs. Did the Collard Queens get their recipe right? Is there enough ham in it? Who is the ham in this metaphor? Much to think about.

Purple stayed in the driver’s seat for most of their game against Neon Pink but couldn’t pull it off in the end. Luis did Luis things despite a continued lack of players, a four-man rush in his face, and Zo effectively working the refs. It’ll be interesting to see what Plump n Dump looks like at full strength – can their stock go higher or should we be selling now?

Cardinal bounces back from last week’s debacle despite an inauspicious pick on the first play of the game. The crash-out kings won an important matchup against Seafoam anchored by two TDs and two sacks from Juan Burgundy’s MVP race-leading namesake. These guys are scary if they can keep their heads on straight (or gay but like, level).

What’s your team supposed to do when someone like Andy A goes down with an injury? If you’re Ben H, you just throw to everyone else. These were smashing pumpkins on Sunday with contributions from a wide range of players, headlined by two picks and two TDs from Brandon R as they made Coral just a rat in a cage. Do they lack the firepower now to make serious noise in the playoffs, or was famously disruptive diva Andy holding them back this whole time?

Aaron’s rocket arm wasn’t enough to fend off the Jock-O-Lanterns on Halloween weekend, leading Coral to the dead center of the rankings for now. Brian W led the team with a strong two-TD, two-sack performance. There’s plenty of talent here, the question is just whether they’ll put it all together for the playoffs or end up sleeping with the fishes.

Things are starting to look a little slippery for our favorite amphibians, as they drop a close one this week to a strong Royal Blue team despite three TDs from Joey H and two sacks for Drew C. They still feel a bit like a sleeping giant, but time is running out – will they hop to the next level, or will their defensive struggles leave them stuck in the swamp of mediocrity?

Seafoam washed up with a loss to Juan Burgundy this week despite Jamal and Zak’s best efforts. Reports indicate that Austin P was running for his life against Cardinal’s rush. But it was still a close game, much like the Green Bay Packers’ loss to the Carolina Panthers at Lambeau Field this week, which I mention here for no reason in particular.

White’s losing skid continues with a last-minute loss to Kelly Green despite a strong showing from Chris D and Cam B sacrificing his body to the football gods on an impressive catch. The committee is struggling to find new ways to say that this team is…fine.

Elite name, though.

Don’t look now, but Sapphire has won two straight since Brandon M channeled the GOAT Serena Williams at the midseason party. Is there a correlation? Almost definitely. Blewchie Coochie looks to be trending upward, with Chris D finding his sea legs at QB and leading the team to a big win against Iron Gray. But can they keep it up when they’re playing top seeds instead of qualifiers?

Ehhhhhhh. Yes, they beat a beaten-up, bruised, and barely still standing Black team, but it took some last-second heroics from Andy Pa. to claim their first win in five weeks. The committee will need to see more from them before we believe they’re shining like they’re supposed to be.

Iron Gray gets a memento mori from Sapphire this week after finding the fountain of youth before the last two games. Notable Young Person Ed A led the scoring with two TDs while Dave W pitched in on defense with three sacks. Can they get a burst of terminal lucidity for the playoffs, or is this their death rattle? And how long can I keep pretending I’m younger than them for this bit?

I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!

But the league’s most likable, merry band of sailors followed up a big win by pulling an Edmund Fitzgerald against Light Blue this week. Mark J had three sacks against a great O-line, so that’s cool at least. I blame Andrew G for sinking y’all by saying such nice things in last week’s rankings.

Despite Terry Yaki’s slayage (both in lewks and at cone), Black loses again, and the Glass Tiger curse continues with an Austin A leg injury. The Baddies either put up a strong defense or mildly inconvenienced a sloppy offense before tossing a game-ending pick at the five on a last-minute drive. They’re better than their record – we hope we get to see them at full strength with all casts removed soon, and anything can happen in the playoffs.

But will it really, though?