Power Rankings

After some early season quibbles, the Haus of Martini is back to expected form, obliterating Lime 41-14. Brandon Waggoner proved he’s still got plenty of juice left in the tank, tossing touchdowns left and right on the hapless Lime D. Maybe JC should take vacations more often…

Teal Team Dix is treating every week like a tactical strike. They’ve lined up four wins in a row, punctuated by this week’s defusing of the struggling Atomic Bombshells. Seafoam led by two scores most of the game, buoyed by some lucky INTs that bounced into their steady hands. No Cash on hand? No problem, as Dan and Drew balled out while Paul bored us with his routine excellence (give us some drama, Paul!!)

It’s almost summer, and a crisp glass of white wine is much more en vogue than a heavy Peen-Oh Noir. Cheers to the Plain White Tease for keeping us on our toes with a somewhat close win over the Maroon cellar dwellers. For as much flack as White has caught from this Committee this season, they are quietly assembling a solid season and should be a force in the playoffs.

QB Cam claims to have spent his weekend in PV in “fellowship and bible study.” Clearly he wasn’t praying for his team’s success, as Lime was obliterated by Olive without him. Everett stepped in during the second half and reportedly made few mistakes filling in at QB, but his Thots missed having him out there at receiver in an absolute massacre. Halfway through the second half the refs questioned whether to continue the game at all. Expect Lime to bounce back next week.

Credit to Gold for their charity in trying to let Light Blue win one! After going up 6 points with under a minute left, Gold let in a back-breaking tying score before shutting down the extra point. A tense OT period saw the teams trade TDs, but only Gold could convert their XP for a close win. The action was so riveting that Pete D, watching on the sideline, felt compelled to bust out cries of “America!!!!” in unbridled patriotism.

Don’t look now, but Kelly is good y’all! After starting 0-3, Kelly has strung together four wins in a row in impressive fashion. QB Jim is making good use of his array of weapons on offense, and the stifling Kelly D has been raking in interceptions for weeks now. This is an intimidating draw for anyone in the playoffs, with a roster that can open up huge holes in any team’s defense and leadership that rules with an iron fist.

According to the Commission’s very scientific number crunching, the average age in DCGFFL is approximately one bad knee and a sprained ankle. So it’s no surprise that Boy Wonder Elijah M. has been running circles around the oldies, putting together a Rookie MVP-worthy season for Purple who are cruising at the right time. Supported by a tough catch and breakaway TD from Ed A. and exuberant defense from Christian (even if he drops the ball), Purple put away Vintage Gray with ease.

A neck-in-neck first half against Purple gave way to an anemic performance in the second for Vintage. The Commission can report that Gray seemed resigned to their fate in the second half, with long faces and longer odds at victory. It’s giving…sophomore slump. But don’t worry, no matter what their final record is, we all know AJ will still pull at least one upset in the playoffs.

I know their record suggests they should be higher on this list, but the Internal Commission on Knowledgeable Shade can’t put a team in the top half who was embarrassed by a rookie backup QB by 35 POINTS. While talented, it seems like the rookie QB/Captain combo of Luie and Alex D. need to figure out a better motivation strategy.

Led by the amazing efforts of their Rookie QB, Kobalt absolutely dominated the higher-ranked Forest. Said QB accounted for 6 TDs and two interceptions on his own. Where has Cobalt been hiding this guy?? Should they send QB Daniel H. back to PV this week??

Behind steady leadership from the unflappable duo of Captain Matt H and QB Mark H, Navy is sailing along to a solid middle season. This team had little trouble pulling away from a floundering Coral squad, but let them linger for a shot at the upset in the final minute. Navy’s rush is a highlight for this team, headlined by Bryan W. and the ageless wonder Marvin W. The Commission just hasn’t seen much to suggest this team will make a deep playoff run.

Available for a limited time, this sexy entrant to the Taco Bell menu is a more consistent winner than any team below them on this list. Terms and conditions apply.

This Maroon team can score, led by receivers Nick W. Aaron B., and a 30-season-strong Smiffy (he doesn’t look ready to hang it up to us!). Problem is, football requires you to play defense too. This team has been getting boat raced all season; otherwise, they’d have a much better record.

The greased-up butterfingers of Atomic Blue had trouble holding onto the ball this week, hot potato-ing multiple interceptions into the waiting hands of the Seafoam defense. Kind of them to share the ball! But Team Good Boys should remember that being too nice won’t win you football games. Try being a little more selfish next time.

Another heartbreaker for Coral, who had a 2PT conversion try to win against Navy and came up short. Even Art H. balling out with acrobatic catches and a goal line to goal line pick six couldn’t salvage a win for this team that feels loxed out of the win column. This team’s inability to score in the red zone or convert on turnovers has been their undoing all season. They say winning is a skill, and true winners know how to get it done. Coral might want to work on it if they hope to snag another victory this season.

Shoutout to Zach M. for proving the haters wrong. By taking a week off, he showed those plays where Brandon R. is totally not breaking DCGFFL rules established precedent by playing QB aren’t winning them games – only Zach can claim credit. So everyone be nicer to Blue Wake about those direct snaps!

On one hand, Light Blue has come agonizingly close to winning at least three games this season, so they clearly have something going as a team. On the other hand, their total point differential is a shocking minus-71. With games remaining against Seafoam and Vintage Gray, it’s hard to see a W coming this season. But the Commission would love to be proven wrong!