Power Rankings

Black finally put some bass in the “I” of DEI and it showed. No longer the lowly DEI hires, they’re now the boss. They played hard to secure that coveted bye week and now get two weeks to sip champagne and polish their trophy shelves.

Ca$hmoney cashed in on all fronts, with catches that turned as many heads as their mid-season party dance moves, Vic’s multiple TDs were truly insane, and T’s leadership turned a ragtag group of DEI hire “underdogs” (or so they’d have you believe) into a powerhouse team.

With two weeks to chill, let’s just hope they don’t get too comfy in their penthouse C-Suite—because the rest of the league is still out for that number one spot. Only time will tell if Black thrives under pressure…or if their champagne goes flat and the trophy shelf stays empty.

The Grannies—ahem, Gayng Green—flexed their veteran experience with Lynch and Ash proving to be a menacing combo on offense and Austyn shutting the door on a late Foamie TD like a bouncer who’s seen enough for one night. But don’t worry, this time Jayme got to stay and watch it until the end—though judging by the sideline commentary, she was more than ready for it to be over far sooner than it was.)

Green is riding a six-game winning streak and looking ahead to their next matchup against Purple, one thing’s for sure: The Grannies have the experience and firepower to take care of business, but don’t sleep on Purple—they’ve got a lot of heart and have shown they’re capable of surprising.

Red’s redemption arc is loading…assuming they can find the starting lineup first. Even so, Meg managed to do dirty work handing the Yeeters their only loss of the day. Word on the field is that all that hustle was just penance for throwing a pick on the very first offensive play—but hey, repentance looks good on her and if she keeps that same fire next week, the Peaches might just get puréed.

What more is there to say about a game that was much closer at points than it should have been? Not much. So, we’ll just give credit where credit is due: Red clawed their way back from a 0–13 hole in the first ten minutes. And for a brief, shining moment, they gave Purple something to believe in—and we loved seeing the light in their eyes.

Next up, they’ll face off against Coral. And while Coral’s Daddy energy might be enough to shake things up and give us a competitive playoff game, Red’s got the experience and heart to pull this one off. Assuming, of course, they can actually field a full team. But hey, here’s hoping.

Blue and the Yeeters were making so much noise on the field that we almost missed the green-on-green bloodbath. (Almost.)

From undefeated darlings to playoffs underdogs—Blue’s tumble has been tough to watch. And last week’s loss to Purple marked a new low in what’s been a brutal streak of setbacks and injuries. But don’t count them out just yet! They may be missing their QB, #1 draft pick, and their all-star rusher, but there’s still fight left in this team. And they’ll need every ounce of it in their face off against The Foamies—undeniably the league’s most chaotic team. While Taylor’s back is strong, it’s not strong enough to carry the whole team—but if Seafoam’s receivers keep running into each other, she just might not have to.

One thing is for sure: if Blue can capitalize on the Foamie’s disorder, these Queens might just dance their way into a playoff win.

Move over, Black-on-Black crime — this week’s focus is on Green-on-Green crime. Because at Carter Barron, All Lives (aka Team Colors) Matter. We’re just inclusive like that—especially since “there are good people on both sides.” And I may be biased, but The Foamies looked good out there and held their own against the Granny Gang (a team I’ve heard is collectively old enough to have stormed the beaches of Normandy…But I digress…). The expected chaos ensued, Shayne reminded everyone that if you give her an inch, she’s taking a mile (on foot, no less), and Munroe’s bad ass punt return kept things spicy.

Next up, The Foamies turn their chaos cannon on Royal Blue. If they can keep the mayhem pointed in the right direction, they just might splash their way into the next round.

The Metz-Big Bubs Daddy duo brought all the same chemistry from the drag stage to the field—and for a minute, it almost looked like it might be enough to crack Black’s momentum. (Almost). And while the Daddies may not have cracked Black, they didn’t go down without a little glitz and grit.

Now, Coral’s got another shot at glory—and this time it’s against the Ro-Hoes. They have a lot riding on this matchup. It’s notoriously hard to beat a team more than once…ahem, we mean more than twice in one season. And for most of the season, Red was the only team Coral could beat—and while we don’t always root for the underdog, we do love a dramatic threequel.

If history repeats itself, which unfortunately it already has, we have no doubts Coral could pull off this playoff win. And if they pull it off? One thing’s for sure: Red will certainly know who their daddy is.

Watch out league—there’s a new QB in town. Fresh off an Italian getaway, backup QB Nik stepped in and breathed new life into a beleaguered Purple squad, leading them to their first win of the season after a loss earlier in the day to the Ro-Hoes.

While their warm up game against Red didn’t quite deliver the results they were hoping for, the Yeeters pulled out all the stops in their game against Royal Blue and proved that “teamwork makes the dream work”. Pruitt ran it back with a pick-six like the OG LP she is, Dinora was wreaking all types of havoc, and Chels came through not once, but TWICE when it mattered most. Let’s just hope it wasn’t all just a dream… and that they don’t go right back to sleep, because their next game against the Granny Gayng might be their toughest yet. And while we can never really know what the next week holds, one thing’s certain: Judy won’t be anywhere near the sidelines for this one.

We’re not betting on a Purple upset…but let’s be real, we’d love to see it. But for now, let’s give the Yeeters their flowers for last week’s performance—they’ve earned it.