Power Rankings

Two QB’s, multiple MVPs, and a roster stacked higher than a Vegas bet. If they don’t end up on top, it’s because too many aces don’t always make a winning hand. But if we’re betting gays… this hand is certainly too good to fold.

Of all the colors in the spectrum, we give you corn—and if these Corn Stars know anything, it’s how to put on a show. With a QB who nearly took the crown last season, a rusher fast enough to break the sound barrier (no, really—you’ll hear her before you see her), and a roster popping with talent, one thing’s for sure: if they play to their abilities, you’ll certainly want a front row seat to the show.

If there’s a team we expect to do the most, it’s certainly this one. Clearly manifesting a medal with that name, the Lesbian Alloyance comes loaded with talent, grit, and personalities as bold off the field as they are skilled on it. After all, metal is forged under fire—and this season will test whether the Alloyance can withstand the heat and come out shining, or fade into tarnish.

With seasoned Sinners who know how to raise hell on and off the field, and bright-eyed rookies eager to be christened in mud, sweat, and unapologetic gay energy, this team has the makings to be just as captivating as a Sunday service. And while we can never really know what this season has in store, if the chemistry clicks, the plays connect, and the hips keep moving, the only thing that could stop them is divine intervention.

With two travel QBs—one now donning the captain’s crown—Icy Hot has a roster with all the right ingredients. And if our all-knowing crystal ball is right, and this team truly harnesses their abilities, they could be the underdog story of the season—and just might leave the rest of the league feeling the burn.

Another season, another Seafoam—sure, we could’ve picked a new shade from the rainbow, but you’ll be glad we didn’t. Because if there’s any roster guaranteed to give you FOMO, it’s this one. Bursting with talent, good vibes, and leadership who knows how to set the tone, this team has all the right parts to be the underdog story of the season.