Open Season 26 Power Rankings: Preseason

1 Royal Tightness 💙 (Royal Blue) JC Adams / Oliver J.

This Oscar season finds our reigning champion QB, JC, atop our Power Rankings. Paired with league veteran, Oliver, hard to see how they don’t end up in the Final Four. Maybe winning will tempt this team’s captain to show up to more than one social event! And, if not, I do know that this team’s roster of social butterflies will be populating League functions until May. 

The Oscar for Best Performance at 2am on Kiki’s Dance Floor goes to Royal!

2 The Hot Ones (Cardinal) Cameron M. / Lamar Riotta-Rogers

I can feel it, third time’s the charm for Lamar and Cam! And, if they flame out in the playoffs again at least we know Chris, Aubrie, and Kevin will be serving lewks and jello shots on the sideline. 

The Oscar for the Interstellar time loop goes to Cardinal!

3 Grape Sexpectations 🍇 (Purple) Andrew Aldrian / Connor Wilson

A young and earnest captain meets an older battle-hardened and football obsessed father. A budding (b)romance develops. Dotted with the occasional shady barb and sideline tête-à-tête, this captain and QB lead their team through it all. 

I’m buying my ticket to see this film. 

The Oscar for Best Performance in a May-December Relationship goes to Purple!

4 Blacked-Out Barbies (Black) Austin Plier / Thomas L.

Extremely Luca Guadagnino: A man runs across a sun-dappled field, dodging the gentle divots and passing defenders. He turns his hips, then his shoulders, he locks eyes with his quarterback, hands raised in a perfect diamond shape. The ball sails. Its arc is slightly above his head, but our receiver raises his hands. Contact. He comes down with the ball; the field opens before him as he pivots and lurches forward. He crosses the endzone. Touchdown. 

If Pedro cannot fulfill his duties, I am more than willing to be the Zendaya to this Josh O’Connor/Mike Faist duo. 

The Oscar for Best Performance in DCGFFL’s version of Challengers goes to Black!

5 Field of Creams (White) Oriya C. / Michael Bromell

Really, I’m not sure who can run down this team. With Bromell, Oriya, and Kevin on this roster, this team is racing faster than your dad/daddy’s favorite recent car movie Ford vs. Ferrari or his other favorite movie, Ferrari. Unlike those Oscar flops, we’ll see if white can cross a finish line.

This year’s vroom vroom, faster daddy Oscar goes to White!

6 Grey 4 Pay (Dark Grey) Matthew C. / Matt C.

Matt and Matt will surely be sharing beard oil and trading various earthy colognes they found in different odds-and-ends stores in Williamsburg. What do we think their favorite Bon Iver songs are?

The Oscar for Best Performance in a Lip Sync to Skinny Love goes to Dark Grey!

7 3-6-9, Damn Good Lime (Lime Shock) Ben Hunt / Jorge Membreño

Allies that are just happy to be here and feel included. Incredible amounts of supportive yet stern dad energy. For their sake, let’s hope that anywhere else (Whitlow’s) they’d be a 10 doesn’t apply to their points per game.  

The Oscar for Best “Just Ken” goes to Lime Green!

8 Neon My Face (Neon Orange) Bryan Sanders / Sean Holihan

This pairing and roster has all the trappings of a Coen Brothers film if I’ve ever seen one: comedy, drama, eccentric characters, optimism vs. nihilism, self determination vs. natural forces, a prodigal son (Carr) returning, Holihan vs. his knees. 

The Oscar for Best Team with Burn After Reading vibes goes to Neon Orange!

9 The Extra Virgins (Olive Green) Brian Hotchkiss / Juan V.

Freshman captain Juan and veteran QB and teacher-of-rookie-captains Brian are an odd yet intriguing pair. The roster heightens the drama as, by my assessment, it’s a mixture of tiktok influencers and wayward cast members of Cocoon. A real faculty/student pick-up game kind of vibe.  

The Oscar for Best Performance in a Re-Creation of The Holdovers Dynamic goes to Olive!

10 Urine Trouble (Yellow) Andy Pratt / Christopher Daniel

Our anime loving captain, Chris, will surely appreciate the Studio Ghibli-like aura of his team: a menagerie of players across generations, an unknown captain/QB dynamic, but some magic may develop!

The Oscar for Best Transformation from Unknown Team into Successful Business Witch goes to Yellow!

11 Green Peen Queens (Marine Green) Nick Perovich / Brandon M.

Brandon is in the hunt for a Final Four appearance, and Nick had a strong first season, ending up just shy of making it. But can Brandon propel Nick forward as he looks to avoid a sophomore slump, or will this season just end up being their Tenet?

And, the Oscar for Visually Interesting but Ultimately Hollow Season goes to Marine Green!

12 You Got Moss'd (Forest Green) AJ Reust / Levert James

Honestly, I just imagine this captain/QB duo as having Maverick and Goose bravado. 

The Buckle Up It’s Going to be a Ride Oscar goes to Forest Green!

13 Blue Bombers💊 (Light Blue) Brandon Waggoner / Luis Cotto

Brandon, Marvin, and BB on one team recalls one of the most epic war sagas, Saving Private Ryan. Three former Generals from years gone by coming together to bring their cherished cadet, Luis, to the promised land. And just like that opening sequence, the games at Carter Barron create a feeling where you don’t know who will come out alive.

The Oscar for the Band of Brothers goes to Light Blue!

14 Whoral (Coral) Garrett Schiponi / Derrick Johnson

The DMV’s premier party DJ, DJ, drafted an all-gay team! Well, with the exception of his QB. Let’s hope that as the season develops those silky, funky, punctuated beats induce some Whiplash and bring Garrett over to the dark-side. 

The Oscar for Best Performance in the Straight to Bi to Gay Pipeline goes to Coral!

15 The Atoms Family 🫰🫰 (Atomic Blue ) Aaron Billingsley / Tiger Ricchetti

We love an entirely new management team stepping up to lead! I do fear, however, this team might end up in La La Land, though, as Aaron explains football and Tiger dedicates himself to writing his one-man show. 

This year’s Oscar for Unrealized Dreams goes to Atomic Blue!

16 My Little Foamies (Seafoam) Patrick Shilo / Kevin Penny

You know, I bet this captain/QB duo gives really good bear hugs. 

The 100 Acre Wood Oscar goes to Seafoam!

17 Pink Pony Club 🐴💗 (Neon Pink) Jim Connolly / Justin Parker

Both Justin, as part owner of two of our sponsors, and Connolly, as a QB in the League since season 1, are known by virtually everyone. It’s their web, and we’re all just trapped in it. Let’s just hope, though, that their season turns out better than the reviews for the new cult-classic Madame Web.

The Oscar for Researching Spiders in the Amazon goes to Neon Pink!

18 Bellagi-Hos (Vegas Gold) John C. / Trey P.

It doesn’t take much to see the Anatomy of a Fall to the bottom of the power rankings here. But, maybe I’m like the distraught son: blind to the possibilities of this team. 

The Oscar for Impending Doom but still a Site for Rich Discussion goes to Vegas Gold!