Power Rankings

Another week, another win for Midnight Snatch, who continue to sit comfortably at the top of the rankings after winning by 18 points. QB Shayne has clearly found a rhythm with her offense, finding three different receivers for four TDs and converting three of four two-point attempts. Impressive. Also impressive was the performance from Black’s MVP, Kathleen, who helped herself to two of those TDs. As the league’s only undefeated team, Black is making it increasingly difficult to argue with their spot at the top. But next up is Orange Crush, whose defense has a knack for making quarterbacks uncomfortable. Black’s chemistry has carried them this far, but we’ll see how well it holds up when QB #1 has a little less time to find her receivers.

Sapphire clearly had no intention of sharing the scoreboard with Yellow this week, though they were more than happy to spread the wealth among themselves. The Sapphic Snatchers cruised to a 26-0 shutout, with four interceptions and some surprisingly aggressive play for a team that apparently missed the memo about taking it easy before Gay Bowl. Erika N. didn’t just earn Rookie of the Week - they cemented the title with a pick 6, making sure the defense got in on the scoring too. That makes two ROTW in just four games for Sapphire. The previous rookie of the week, Tori T., didn’t do bad either, with a TD, two INTs, and a two-point conversion just for funsies. Sapphire had plenty of bodies on the sidelines this time around, but with a few players returning from Gay Bowl injured, that depth may be short-lived.

The only thing Orange was crushing this week was their point differential. With starting QB Lynch out, Tiff stepped up to fill some pretty big shoes in less-than-ideal conditions. But while the offense struggled to find its footing, the defense gave Seafoam plenty to worry about. Between interceptions from Tiff and Flannery and three sacks courtesy of Sam C. and game MVP Casey, Orange certainly wasn’t making things easy. Casey in particular had the sidelines talking, because when the blockers go low, she goes lower, rushing practically at ground level and making herself nearly impossible to block. Unfortunately, all that defensive effort couldn’t make up for an offense that never found the end zone. A frustrating finish for Orange, but we suspect the #3 team knows better than to make a habit of this.

Welp, not much to see here. And judging by the number of players caught on the hot mic asking Des to delete her Game Glimpse footage, Yellow would probably prefer to keep it that way. A 26-0 shutout by Sapphire wasn’t exactly the “comeback” OSHA’s 11 had in mind. Maya at least gave the defense something to celebrate with a first-half interception, but the stat sheet and scoreboard had little to report after halftime. And while Sapphire was busy pushing the limits of what’s considered legal contact, the refs seemed content to let them. With bull rushing going uncalled and Daly leaving the field with a bloody nose, OSHA’s 11 had no shortage of safety violations to report. As for the football, here’s hoping next week brings something they’d actually want caught on camera.

Full Bush AND full send for this week’s game (mere days before Gay Bowl…). And while Ash Y. was taking her chances, Tori and Kori were taking care of business, making their presence felt up and down the stat sheet. Making up for last week’s showing against Sapphire, Green showed up and showed out, though they did allow for Purple’s highest scoring game. By no means was this Green firing on all cylinders, with an almost red zone turnover on downs, but we don’t think this is a sign of what’s to come. After all, as QB Meg L. loves to say ‘nothing matters until playoffs’.

Looks like Seafoam was the lucky recipient of a much-needed charitable donation this week. New supplemental pickup and game MVP Charity wasted no time making her presence felt, turning a 30-yard catch into a touchdown and breathing some much-needed life into an otherwise sleepy, scoreless game. With Nour and Ash H. adding to the scoreboard in the second half and the foamy defense keeping Orange Crush off it entirely, Seafoam finally started chipping away at the damage their early-season forfeit did to their point differential. Of course, it probably helped that the Foamosexuals finally discovered the competitive advantage of having subs. Between better attendance and a little Charity, Seafoam might actually turn their season around.

Red may still be searching for their first win, but they’re certainly not giving up without a fight. Merrill and Emily each found the Snatchers’ end zone, and Sonali snagged a sack, but with a PD of -18, Red needs a big week to get some more distance from the bottom of the rankings. That, or they could just keep buttering up our writing team on the sidelines….(👀you know who you are. And for the record, it’s working.)

Purple’s captain would like to note that as the only other team with no wins, they at least haven’t forfeit which should mean something for these rankings. Your argument is noted but doesn’t refute your own PD which still unfortunately puts you solidly in the bottom of this week’s rankings. On the bright side, Purple put up its highest score of the season this week, thanks in no small part to supplemental pickup Des. And with a roster full of talent, we’re still holding out hope that the second half of the season trends up. We look forward to seeing what the rest of the season has in store for purple, or you know what, maybe we don’t want to see whatever it is that you hide in a strapback.