S22 Week 5: Power Rankings

1 🥑 (Kelly Green) 5-0

DCGFFL sponsor, mom, and legend Margie Hofberg holding baby Lucas Owen Graham-Roll while new dad Scott made his return to the field said it all. This team can’t lose.

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2 Buns of Steel (Steel Grey) 4-1

The undefeated streak came to a close with a tough 48-18 loss to ugenta variant this week. Not sure if it was because they were missing the shine from Jean-Francois’s pom-poms or if it was because captain Bobby couldn’t see the field in those sunglasses and sun hat, but this team has finally seen the shade.

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3 Fwhorest Queens (Forest Green) 4-1

It’s not every week that a team can win both games in their double header. Fwhorest Queens was able to do exactly that and gave us a show doing it. After beating Easy Lei and Citrus Got Real this Green team doubled their wins this season and gave themselves something to celebrate. Nevertheless, what’s a Fwhorest Queens game without a little drama. This is certainly their come up moment in the rankings but they might want to watch the language on the field before more players lose them the come up and have to come out the game. Come on now, real Queens never stoop so low.

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4 Shaken Not Stirred (Olive) 4-1

If you think the Super Pwinks were going to shake or stir this Olive, you’re sadly mistaken! This team might be under the radar, but like any good cocktail, it’ll sneak up on you and take you for a ride. And not the ride we know ya’ll are looking for ;)

5 Taylor's Version (Red) 4-2

We hear the best way to prepare for game day is to get silly drunk at a wedding the night before. Maybe if Captain Japinga had fewer Champagne Problems our Taylor’s would have done All Too Well (Taylor’s Version. 10-Minutes duh).

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6 μgenta Variant (Magenta) 3-2

Big week for the girls in magenta, serving Buns of Steel their first loss of the season! We’re not sure what’s sicker, this team or DJ DJ’s beats at Kiki. Either way, we better get a vaccine soon because this team is coming for us all.


7 DC Gay Flag Football Team (Gold) 3-2

This team seems to be here for a good time, not a long time. Between players being tardy due to hangovers and Keaton running over to the BBQ mid-game to get a snack instead of a sack, it’s shocking they keep winning. Drunk, hungry and winning is the new motto and are we mad at it? Probably not, unless you’re the team that lost, Gaystar Royalco.

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8 Gaystar Royalco (Royal Blue) 3-2

Captain Sean Karson became QB Karson with Oriya out with a shoulder injury. Gold’s dynamic rush was too much for the new QB to handle. Here’s to more reps and better luck during rec league.

9 Easy Lei (Island Blue) 3-2

Lets not lie we all know some enjoy an Easy Lei, but I think we can agree just because you’re easy doesn’t mean lei there and take it. Fwhorest Queens ran through this team in last weeks game. Maybe they should try being hard to get next week because things weren’t looking so hot on the island this time around. Maybe that’s because they were missing a few players this week. They were probably lei-ing on a beach somewhere getting a tan. Lets get some more points next time though because their shot at the top has said all but “Aloha” at this point.

10 MaroonPauls Drag Race (Maroon) 3-2

Let’s get ready to rumble. Just kidding, but this game got very heated after an alleged bull rush from a rookie on white. After being escorted off the field Maroon still took home the win.

11 Orange Queery (Dark Orange) 2-3

Yet another QB missing this week. Not sure if Evan can save this team or if Patrick’s cute orange pom poms will get Orange back on track.

12 Citrus Got Real (Lime Green) 2-4

Looks like lime might come back this season with their 2nd win of the season. Not sure if it’s their QB who only uses one block or if it’s Emily who seems to be ALWAYS open. Whatever it is, keep it up.

13 Chrome Wreckers (Silver) 2-4

This week Chrome Wreckers came out strong to serve another loss to Boats ‘N Hoes. Don’t celebrate too soon, they took giving back to the kids seriously this year and gave a win away against Peritwinkle. Maybe next time this seasoned team won’t feel so charitable.

14 Wonder Bred (White) 1-3

Wunder Bred might have been missing from last week’s power rankings, but they must not have minded cause they gave us the same energy this week as the last. Another tough week for Wonder Bred’s Rookie Captain and QB duo. Maybe it just takes a little more seasoning to get this team on track. I’d suggest checking your local Trader Hoe’s for some “Everything But The Bottle” seasoning because the way ya’ll party after an L is easily ranked #1 in my book.

15 Super Pwinks (Super Pink) 1-4

Can someone help me? I can’t find my readers in my birkin. Does that say Super Pwinks or Sub Par Twinks? With a solid roster, it’s easy to wonder what’s going wrong. Yes, it was another tough week for the Super Pwinks, but the good news for them is that next week will be their first week with a completely full and healthy roster. With a 1-4 record it’s fair to wonder if they’ll be able to turn things around this season, but at #15 things pretty much can only go up from here. My fingers are crossed that they do, because winning last week’s game looked really good on them!

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16 My Neck, My Black (Black) 1-4

Well look at that! My Neck, My Black finally hit their stride and secured a win. Thank goodness, because my neck and my back were aching from seeing them at the bottom of the rankings every week. It was a nail biter and a close game, but maybe this one hit wonder has changed their sound and found a dynamic that works. Tune in next week to see if their next game is good enough for radio or if this team is selling a sound from the past.

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17 Peritwinkle (Purple) 1-4

Congrats are in order! In the “Battle for the Bottom” (not the one you all play at Dirty Goose) Peritwinkle takes second. After losing to My Neck, My Black they were able to pull out a win against Chrome Wreckers. They should probably thank Amanda Livingstone for her endless energy and team spirit because the team morale never faltered. I’ll raise a Truly to the twinks for making the second game look a little less like recess this week and a little more like high school. Maybe even college since Sean Holihan showed up this week. Okay, so grad school.

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18 Boats 'N' Hoes (Navy) 0-5

Consistency seems to be the goal for this team. There’s not much to say because the record speaks for itself. Instead let’s put a spotlight on how Queen Mother Munroe showed up to teach the girls how to turn a run away game into a runway moment for DCGFFL’s Spring Summer collection. Yeah, maybe the scoreboards not looking so great but rest assured the sideline does.

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