S22 Week 7: Power Rankings

1 🥑 (Kelly Green) 8-0

Guys, Girls, Gays and Theys this is a PSA. Guac must be everyone’s favorite extra charge cause this teams been topping y’all for weeks. The only perfect record in the league (not including Boats ’N’ Hoes perfect 0-8) is seemingly unstoppable. Emphasis on the seemingly. After a narrow win this week this avocado might be going bad but maybe that’s just my wishful thinking.

Flower Guacs Extra - GIPHY Clips

2 Buns of Steel (Steel Grey) 6-1

Another win and another week at #2. Ya’ll are really taking that “First is the worst, second is the best” thing to heart huh? Not that they’ll let us forget, but this team hasn’t lost a game with a full roster and easily could have been undefeated otherwise. If someone’s gonna Steel the crown off of 🥑’s head the best bet is this team.

3 Fwhorest Queens (Forest Green) 6-2

One more win for a great team and are we surprised? With a roster of solid players the only thing that surprised me was that the game was such a nail biter. Regardless of their talent, their games have given us an answer to an age old question. If a tree falls in a forest does it make a sound? More accurately: If a flag is called on Fwhorest do they make a sound? If you have to ask then you haven’t watched one of their games. Let’s just say this team is a trip (shade intended). At this point I don’t know who’s boots are quaking more, the teams they play or the refs in charge. Good luck to both tbh.

4 Shaken Not Stirred (Olive) 6-2

The only martini’s this team has been serving lately are dirty. Maybe that’s why they’ve got these other teams so salty. With two wins from their double header and only one game between this team and playoffs, I don’t foresee anything shaking this team anytime soon. Keep serving it to the girls dirty cause y’all might be Olive but the only ones bitter are the other teams.

5 Gaystar Royalco (Royal Blue) 5-2

Another close game this week, but in true Roy fashion this team put it all on the line for the win. Not to start any drama but its starting to look like a bit of a sibling rivalry between this team and Shaken Not Stirred for fourth place. With a double header of their own this week, maybe Gaystar Royalco can win both games and successfully execute a hostile takeover. The Roys couldn’t do it but maybe this squad can.

6 Easy Lei (Island Blue) 5-3

It’s officially safe to say this team is no Easy Lei. Winning both their games this week they’ve made the biggest jump in the rankings and took a top 6 spot. Y’all thought they were playing in the sand but they’ve really been playing in these games. I’m honestly here for it because they’ve been showing y’all just because their easy everywhere else doesn’t mean they’re easy on the field.

7 μgenta Variant (Magenta) 4-3

μgenta Variant was spreading rapidly through the league taking names four weeks in a row. I don’t know where Easy Lei found the cure but they put this teams streak to rest in an admittedly close game. I will say this variant could blow out this weeks double header and make it a super spreader, but that all depends on them. With a seasoned captain and a talented QB who’s to say they won’t? Ya’ll better call your island blue sisters and book that vaccine appointment because otherwise the variant might take your team next.

8 Taylor's Version (Red) 4-4

It may be a hot take but maybe Taylor should have stuck with what she was doing originally. Well, maybe not Taylor Swift because she’s breaking records and winning awards but the same can’t be said for Taylor’s Version. Starting the season with four wins something must have happened for these last four games to be total losses. Might be time to start making hits instead of taking hits y’all cause right now its giving less Taylor Swift and more Taio Cruz. Let me start drafting the “Where Are They Now?” article for next week.

9 Orange Queery (Dark Orange) 4-4

Orange Theory’s rainbow studded sister Orange Queery made sure to give Fwhorest Queens the workout of their lives. Losing the game in the very last seconds of the game, this team wasn’t burning cals for nothing. Hopefully next week we can see some results and watch them get a gratifying win. As with any reputable gym, Buns of Steel should be Orange Queery’s specialty.

10 DC Gay Flag Football Team (Gold) 4-4

One week and two L’s. It’s not easy to win both double header games, but for this team double headers are the only games they lose. It’s alright! Sometimes one round is enough. Luckily next week they only have a game against Taylors Version so lets see if they can prove my theory right with a win.

Its A Lose Lose Michael Che GIF - Its A Lose Lose Michael Che Saturday Night Live - Discover & Share GIFs

11 Super Pwinks (Super Pink) 3-4

The epitome of “It’s not about how you start, it’s about how you finish”, this team was down bad but like Pink in her 2010 Grammy performance, this team is flying high above the crowds now. Yeah there were a few losses but “So What”? Look up and enjoy the view because this teams not going anywhere but up the charts.

12 MaroonPauls Drag Race (Maroon) 3-5

Smh. The name is drag race but the only thing dragging is their record. I’ve been waiting for this team to slay the house down but they seem to prefer getting slayed on the field. I don’t know about you but I don’t think Mama Ru would approve. Clean it up next week ladies.

13 Citrus Got Real (Lime Green) 3-5

I don’t know maybe it’s just not Citrus season. Consistently missing people doesn’t make winning easy or your record cute. After already forfeiting games due to personnel difficulties it’s hard to come back from a 3-5 record but I do love a surprise. Fingers crossed they win next weeks game and end on a sweet note unlike their sour start.

14 Chrome Wreckers (Silver) 3-5

Well wow! Chrome Wreckers came out looking polished this week! A great win and a solid game. No tea. No shade. Now do it again next week when you play 🥑 sksksksk.

15 Wonder Bred (White) 2-5

With five losses in a row I would be lying if I said I didn’t think Wonder Bred was going stale. For a while I thought they were baked while playing but after this weeks 45-6 win against Boats ’N’ Hoes they might just be putting the “good” back in “baked goods”. What team wants a slice next week?

16 My Neck, My Black (Black) 2-6

I’m gonna start wearing black to yall’s games too. I wouldn’t want you to mourn your record alone, so I’ll show a little solidarity. All jokes aside, it’s not like this team doesn’t have players because they have a winning roster. Unfortunately, you need a little bit more than just names on paper. You need plays on the field. Maybe ya’ll can pull a few off next week against Gaystar Royalco? I would love to see an upset instead of seeing ya’ll upset :) .

17 Peritwinkle (Purple) 1-6

“Twinkle twinkle little star, how did this team fall so far?”. Maybe it was the six losses? Now I’ll admit, this weeks game against #1 team 🥑 was extremely close and Peritwinkle was one catch away from the biggest upset of the year. Unfortunately, it wasn’t in their cards this week. Also to all the teams that doubt them, let how close this game was serve as a warning. Peritwinkle could humble one of you all soon….or at least get really close to doing it.

18 Boats 'N' Hoes (Navy) 0-8

A record breaking every week on the bottom for this team and if only….you know what, let me stop. I don’t bottom shame so I’ve got nothing to say other than we support you and stay ready! Maybe next week <3