Season 24 Power Rankings: Preseason

1 Dom Trops (Tropic Blue) Mark Hofberg and Ben Hunt

Listen, I’m not happy about this either. No one is excited to start another season with Ben H. atop the rankings, but this is a strong pairing. Neither is new to this league and both are championship winners. In fact, Ben has been in the League for 7(?) seasons and has only not made it to the Final Four once. Now that he has a strong captain who can pretty much score from anywhere and a roster that includes Steslicki, Bertram, and Tony Smith, among others, the sky’s the limit, I’m afraid.

2 Daddy, Chill (White) Twon H. and JC Adams

JC is going to have figure out an offensive scheme and really stick with it, but I think he’s got a good coach and mentor in Twon. The D on this team is going to be tight and tough to penetrate. Of course, the real question is whether or not JC/Noah survive this season—it’s certainly a choice to draft your boyfriend! But with Noah AND Munroe on this team, who is going to watch Kal when White takes the field?

3 These Grays, They're Trying to Murder Me (Concrete Grey) Tom L. and Daniel H.

I’m going out on a limb here and calling Concrete Grey a Top 3 team. Admittedly, Honeycutt as QB is a bit of a wild card, and he’s been out of the game for a minute, but wow is this team stacked. Jared, Kevin, Bradley, and Linda know exactly what they’re doing out there, and I definitely don’t want to meet this team at full strength. No matter how they do this season, though, I bet they’ll be drinking for free at Dirty Goose.

4 Pink-182 (Neon Pink) Derrick Johnson and Cam M.

Cam can make even the most novice of receivers look like stars on the field. That said, he’s just going to throw to Nikki, and there’s no reason not to. The real tea, though, is that this is going to be Team Sunday Funday.

5 Royal Tenenbottoms (Royal Blue) Bryan Sanders and Bradon Waggoner

At this point, Waggoner’s commitment to ensuring the average age of his team is around the age one should be getting regular colonoscopies is remarkable. Hopefully this team’s experience will come in handy! Sanders is coming off a championship win, and he might be just the one to help Waggoner fine tune his system to finally snatch the trophy that’s eluded him for so long.

6 Deep in the Bush (Forest Green) Evan Binder and Austin Plier

Your author this week missed scrimmage (sorry, babes!), so I can’t give everyone the full run-down, but I have faith we’re out to surprise some folks. While I’m really hoping Austin’s midwestern nice will balance out Binder’s sort of craven attitude on the field, I’m just excited to play with some exceptional women: Camille, Em, and Aubrie!

7 Diva Cups (Maroon) Oliver J. and Andy Pratt

Yes, a very adequate team will take the field. They will win (some) games. Not sure about much else, though.

8 Atomic Blue Villains (Atomic Blue) Levert James and AJ Reust

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage: Team Villain. JC is going to need to hand out a lot of favors to get folks to ref this team’s games. Best of luck!

9 Blue-ty Callers (Carolina Blue) Matt H. and Wyatt Eck

Nothing confirmed, but this team might be a bit of a dark horse this season. I’ve heard some grumblings about this Captain/QB draft placement and that some players…might have undersold themselves. Fully hope Wyatt is dangling invites to future vacations based on performance!

10 Daffodilfs (Gold) Jorge Membreno and Brian Hotchkiss

Aw, gotta love #teamnice. IDK if they’re winning many games, but they’ll be nice to play against. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect foil to Atomic Blue.

11 Pit Crew (Olive) Tony Britford and Malcolm Warbrick

IDK what to really make of this team because the roster is very good, but Malcolm is an old DCGFFL QB making their return after many years away. Your writer is impossibly young—the youngest power rankings writer DCGFFL has seen, in fact—so I wasn’t here for his tenure. Though, even if he was really good years ago, football is not really a game that one ages into. But, hey, I’m open to surprises.

12 Fanta-sies 🍑 (Neon Orange) Kat R. and Ben McAvoy

Goodness there are a lot of personalities on this roster. I would watch a season of “Hard Knocks” featuring this team, though.

13 Plumshots (Purple) Jim Roll and Pat Shilo

I’m glad Pat Shilo is back! I’m not sure Jim will be after a couple of games, but this is a fun roster, so the vibes will be good even if winning isn’t in the cards! And who doesn’t want more Baby Lucas?

14 Papa Cherries (Red) Tracy S. and Andrew Aldrian

I poured over this roster and could find nothing cohesive here. Not sure that bodes well for the rest of the season.

15 Mean Green Kelly Machine (Kelly Green) Mike Osorio and Jim Connolly

The talent on this roster might inspire Trainwreck to breathe some new life into his playbook.

16 Boat Stuff (Navy) Jay M. and Matt Cline

Really just going to watch these games to see if the number of penalties Cam gets this season is over or under the amount of words we hear from Andy and Kenny combined.

17 Mellow Yellow (Neon Yellow) Michael Bromell and Daniel D.

I hear Michael is captaining an undefeated team in the DC Gay Basketball League. Hope he’s lowered his expectations for this experience!

18 Tight-anium (Silver) Jens Piferoen and Garrett Schipioni

This is the leadership duo that took the DC Warriors down to Florida to go 1-5. That W was a forfeit, but, hey, a stat is a stat is a stat. They can only go up from here!