Season 25 Power Rankings: Week 2

1 PLAYBUOYS (Navy) 2-0

Andrew- Spring 2023: JC Adams wins his first game by 1 point and his second game by 8 points. Fall 2023: JC Adams wins his first game by 1 point and his second game by 8 points. Will the pattern continue all the way to another championship? Let’s hope not.

Kevin Penny is pacing the team with 4 touchdowns already (despite his quarterback seemingly getting flagged for illegal forward passes or flag guarding nearly every other play); it’s amazing how well you play when you don’t have to drive 8 hours to every game. Welcome to town, Kevin

2 Tar👠s (Carolina Blue) 2-0

Andrew- After being on the villains last year, it’s nice to be associated with a team known for their good looks and great hair (unfortunately, I don’t contribute to either category). Our offense has only been stopped once in our first two games and our offensive line and rushers have been phenomenal. Connor seems to have remembered that he isn’t supposed to injure his own teammates or drop 3-4 balls a game and already has 25 points, doing whatever he can to win Rookie Captain of the Year (what other captain bakes sweets for his teammates?? no comment on how they taste, but at least he’s somewhat thoughtful). I am a *tad* worried for later in the regular season, when both our captain and our QB decide to take vacations and miss a combined 3 games. Also, shout out to Patrick for not forcing us to arrive early to set up the fields. Although, I still would have, because someone needs to win the Teacher’s Pet Award.

3 Beet It (Maroon) 2-0

Andrew- After two convincing wins against seemingly good-on-paper teams, this team will (hopefully) find their winning streak come to an end against the Tar Heels this Sunday. 

Darryl’s response:

Pat Shilo hasn’t turned the ball over yet this year, 4 different defenders have already recorded interceptions, and the team is converting on 66.7% of their extra points. Not having Hofberg available for the Final Four weekend may dash this team’s hopes for a championship, but they can at least play spoiler and knock out top competitors on their way to the Final Four. I’m also purposefully not poking fun at this team or their players, because if they do beat us this Sunday, I’ll need a few weeks to recover from embarrassment. 

4 No Foamo (Seafoam) 2-0

Andrew- Shhhh- do you hear that? That’s the sound of Matan screaming “BLOCK!!! LET’S BLOCK THEM!!!” to his team on the opening kickoff while completely whiffing on a block himself. 

After a sloppy first half, team dads Ben and Matt rallied their boys to a come from behind win against the Plan Bees. This team will need to work on their endurance, though, if Ben keeps huddling his offense 25 yards behind the line of scrimmage. This team has a very easy next few weeks and will likely be at the top of these rankings until late October at the earliest. 

5 Hay Gurl Hay (Texas Orange) 2-0

Andrew- Yes, this team is 2-0, but…not because they did anything special this week (more on this below) and I can’t in good conscience rank them in the top 4. Their drop is equivalent to Alabama dropping in the rankings this week after only beating South Florida by 10 points, after being favored by over 30.

The big question is, will Cam and his team go full Texas and turn into the Cowboys in the playoffs, and completely blow their first round game? After a nearly flawless spring season, Cam has already thrown 4 interceptions through 2 games (yes, 3 have come on extra points, but still) and Tiger’s weekly Instagram story polls to touchdown ratio sits at a whopping 14:1. This team is good, but there are still plenty of chances to slip up.

6 Coralingus (Coral) 1-1

Andrew- I was *so* ready to compare this team to captain Bromell’s alma mater, Indiana University (which was recently named the worst college football team of all time)…and then they went and dropped 51 points on Sapphire. Tom H went absolutely off with 4 interceptions, Bromell added in 3 sacks, and Coral completely drowned Sapphire’s offense with a 32-6 halftime lead.

This team’s defense will be the determining factor going forward, with 2 out of their next 3 games being against undefeated teams.

7 The Boy is Lime (Lime) 1 - 1

Andrew- I don’t know what halftime adjustments were made last week, but whatever it did worked as they got to the Disco Cowboys in the second half.

Josh is putting together yet another solid year, Dwaylan and Art are packing a solid 1-2 rusher punch, but Wyatt is turning the ball over at nearly double the pace compared to last year. I don’t know how he can miss those bright lime jerseys, but the turnovers must come to a stop if this team has any shot at a solid winning season.

8 Disco Cowboys (Silver) 1-1

Andrew- If we are going to talk about patterns, we have to discuss AJ falling apart in the second half. After a brillant first half against Lime, the Disco Cowboys stopped discoing- in the second half, 3 sacks, an interception, and a blown lead to lose the game.

Twon will always thrive in AJ’s “just get open, I’ll find you” offensive scheme, Brandon is a worthwhile rusher, and while Benny and Micah provide AJ with other offensive weapons, I’ll need to see consistency (and I’m not talking about consistently having poor second halves) before ranking them higher.

9 The Icebergs (Sapphire) 2-1

Andrew- Let me first point out that this team does not have a SINGLE 9:00 AM game this year while some teams have 4-5. Their one “early” game conveniently is the week where start times are pushed back 2 hours.

While I am an objective ranker and don’t let jealousy sway me, this team isn’t just lucky when it comes to schedules, they are lucky in their two wins as well. Their two wins were a 2 point win against a winless pink team still reeling from whatever you’d like to call the earlier monstrosity and a 7 point win over the only other 0-3 team, forest. Throw in a 31 point blowout to Coral…and I think their record is a bit deceiving. Yes, you have Peter who can score nearly every play. Brandon is a solid WR2 and good candidate for rookie of the year. Camille is always capable of having a breakout game as she did last year. Ehhh-van B has the potential to catch a ball or two as well. But I’m not convinced this team is worth their current winning record.

10 Choose Violets (Purple) 1-1

Andrew- Ryan Winter may not have been bragging about torching another top-tier defender during Sunday Funday again, but he is up to 4 touchdowns on the year which is nothing to scoff at. Despite their name, they seem like angels compared to nearly every shade of green, but with a plethora of fellow travel quarterbacks coming up on the schedule, their defense is going to have to step up their game because allowing 34 points isn’t going to result in many victories. Here’s hoping Cline’s team can finish a season this time around.

11 It’s Giving Jarhead (Marine Green) 1-1

Andrew- After a first half shootout which had them leading Gold 26-20 at halftime, Marine’s offense disappeared just like that F-35 jet did this weekend (the Marine pilot survived the ejection) but somehow held on for their first victory.

Rookie and local pickleball phenom Aaron B hasn’t quite figured out that this isn’t his D III football team and the contact allowed is far less, but nonetheless he is providing to be a worthwhile target behind Luis, who is torching safeties left and right on his way to 4 touchdowns through 2 games. Hotch certainly has no shortage of receiver targets with these two, Tommy, and Michael, but they’ll need to learn how to score in both halves if they want to win these close games consistently.

12 Magnum (Gold) 1-1

Andrew- Trey came out with a vengeance in week 1 after being ranked dead last with a performance of a lifetime…and followed it up with a sputtering performance in a loss to Marine. “Rookie” QB Nick has shown flashes of brilliance thus far, and his experience playing up north will result in the freezing Carter Barron mornings coming up feeling like a cool summer afternoon. This team won’t be blowing any opponents out, but a win is a win, and this team will certainly win some more.  But if not, maybe Trey can put in for the new Golden Bachelor so he can find a win somewhere else. 

13 Glazed and Confused (White) 1-1

Andrew- After watching Sanders’ opening kickoff go straight out of bounds, I figured they were in for another rough morning. But… It’s amazing what this team can do when Joe shows up on time and Aaron can keep his mouth shut.

Speaking of Aaron, after missing half of the spring season because he preferred to spend time with his Black-hawk friends, he’s now leading the team in touchdowns (and unsportsmanlike conduct penalties, but let’s focus on the positives). Yes, their dominating win came against Forest. But 8 members of their team have scored at least once this season already- the ability to have multiple scoring threats is essential for a deep playoff run and especially when the injuries start hitting.

14 Plan Bees (Yellow) 1-2

Andrew- Plan A- win the game. Plan B- be leading for a large majority of multiple games but then lose the game. Two 1-point losses to start off the season surely stings  (ha ha ha), and a win against a lackluster forest certainly doesn’t instill much confidence in the eyes of the power rankers.

But this team’s 3 pronged rush attack of Derrick, Noah, and Blake will wreak havoc for any cone they face. This team also has a very difficult upcoming schedule, but if Austin taught us anything last year, the regular season means nothing.

15 Left You On Red (Red) 0-2

Andrew- After a career year last year, Trainwreck’s numbers are way down this year. While the average time from catching the snap to ball release is down to an astonishing 0.7 seconds, Jim’s interceptions are way up, granted he can’t do much when the ball travels 2 yards, hits his captain in the hands, and ricochets into the defenders arms.

This team has arguably one of the top 3 receiver duos in Sean and Johnny, but the opportunities for big plays just haven’t been there through the first two games. With more rain in the forecast this Sunday, I envision another day of quick slants and pitches for Red.

16 0-2

Andrew- Going 0-2 against 2 good teams is nothing to scoff at…Ivan is pacing his team with 3 touchdowns, but this team just was not able to get to JC this week after a promising start to the year with 3 sacks in week 1. Upcoming quarterbacks are equally if not more mobile, which could cause some issues for their secondary. The Black Holes are currently sitting at a brutal ⅛ when it comes to extra point attempts- last year, Kozak’s team was in the bottom 3 of XP efficiency as well. Some things never change.

17 Neon’s Messi (Neon Pink) 0-3

Andrew- The Dolphins’ Miami Miracle to beat the Patriots. Auburn’s kick-6 to beat Bama in the Iron Bowl. And now, Neon’s Messi Finish. While Pink’s giving away of a victory didn’t come against an arch rival like the other two, it will similarly live in infamy in the minds of everyone who witnessed it. Picture this- you are winning with 90 seconds left, and your opponent has 0 time outs. The ESPN Gamecast gives your team a 99.9% chance of winning. The opponent’s fans have already left and are driving home, listening to the game on the radio when the announcer goes, “NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!” and suddenly your team loses the game. There’s really no logical explanation to how, or why, it happened. But it did. And now your team is 0-3, only above a team in the rankings who is losing games by an average of 20 points a game. Eeks.

18 Hardwood Forest (Forest Green) 0-3

Andrew- Have we ever seen a team just completely give in this early in a season? In Sunday’s doubleheader, Forest got outscored 53-6 over the duration of 2 halves. Clem threw, what I assume to be a league record, 8 interceptions over the two game set, most of which appeared to be the referee’s fault, based on him yelling “you’re killing me, man!” over and over.

He did pick off two balls himself which helps his net interception total slightly, but he’s going to need some better defense around him if this team has any shot of turning their season around. On the plus side, this team is now down to averaging only 1 unsportsmanlike conduct per game. Did Levert see how well the supplemental draft worked out last year for Tropic, and figured, “why not?”