Power Rankings

The Sinners stay on top after a nail-biter so close, half the team thought they’d lost. Turns out, they didn’t — but just barely. They pulled off a one-point win over Forest Green in a matchup that already feels like a preview of the championship to come.

Next up, they’ll face doubleheaders against Corn and Silver. If they can survive the schedule, then that top spot is solidly theirs.

The Grassholes started their doubleheader the way they usually do — slow, smug, and in control. They let Seafoam hang around through the first half, maybe out of charity, or maybe just for sport, before flipping the switch and bursting the Foamies’ last bubble of hope. Sarah L. grabbed not one but two highlight-reel interceptions, and the Meg-to-Meg connection was every bit as dangerous as anticipated. Guy Fieri, we mean Ashley H, even managed to score some points! But their second game against Red was the complete opposite — a grind from start to finish and easily the most physical matchup of the day and likely a preview of what’s to come in the final.

Next up: A break from the double headers when they take on Team Icy Hot.

We want to take this moment to formally welcome Shayne back to the league. Who else can we count on to motion before every single play? With blockers and speedy receivers like that, who can blame her? This team has a sneaky way of staying on the top half of our rankings. Though they were in the lead the entire game, there was a moment we thought Corn could make a comeback. Fortunately for Silver, they seem to know Field 1 like the back of their hands, unfortunately for Corn they did not with an unlucky pothole ending what could’ve been a game winning drive.

Next week, Silver has their DH against Seafoam and first time opponent, Cardinal. I have no doubt that the winner will be determined by whichever team is less hungover from the weekend. I’m sure that everyone plans to be on their best behaviors this weekend. 😈

Their game against light blue was the kind of game where even the refs looked like they needed a nap. Quarterback swaps, trick plays, and enough confusion to make you wonder if Corn’s playbook was written mid–Fireball shot. But the Corn Stars are nothing if not entertaining. At least they look they’re having fun.

Game 1 was a rough outing for the Icy Hots. The highlight being Katie’s great hands for large gains. We will spare the details here, except for a moment to highlight the hungover refs, who frequently had no idea what down it was….

Game 2 was a much better showing with a back and forth game between Seafoam. Somehow Des managed to jump every ball, even after 3 games in a day. Cee came out as the winner of wig day looking like Dijonai Carrington on the field and snatching an INT. At one point, they looked like Icy Hot was going to come away with the win, but the chaos of Seafoam’s roster was just too much to handle. Let’s see if this team can heat up for the rest of the season or they will remain in their chilly state until the playoffs.

Sunday was a big ask for the bodies of this deteriorating team, but as always, the vibes were high. Their first game against the Grassholes was rough — endless go routes, deep balls to no one, and a few generous gifts to the other team. But by Game 2 against Icy Hot, the Foamies finally found their footing. Who knew Kat could run and juke? Certainly not us. Lauran G. and KP locked down the line, opening space for Ash Y. to pull in 40-yard passes like clockwork. On defense, Cali and KP grabbed interceptions, the rush kept constant pressure, and for a minute there, it looked like everything was clicking.

Then, just as the game tied and things got interesting… Kat’s calf said “absolutely not.” Ash Y, jack of all trades, jumped in at QB and carried the team to a win — impressing the sideline spectators. With two wins under their belt this season and a series of close games recently, can this team move up in the rankings? Or will the loss of four starters be too much for this team to bear? Regardless of their place in the standings, this team is always smiling, laughing, and shows up in greater numbers to every party than to their games on Sundays. Please feel free to buy a foamy a drink on Sunday, they’re guaranteed to have a good time.