Women's+ Season 7 Power Rankings: Pre-season

By Pass Rush Barbie 💄and Pass Rush Papi 🦖 Pass Rush Barbie and Pass Rush Papi reporting to you live from our deep-tissue couples massage to let you know that Spring has sprung. And you know what that means. New season. New rosters. New rookies. ::takes laptop:: and a new writer! You hate to see us at the rush puck, but we have a feeling you’ll love to see these rankings. Last season belonged to the Young Mascs, but this season the Football Femmes have arrived. And they’re organized, hydrated, and come with accessories in tow. But don’t take it personally if you left TAP without a friendship bracelet — not everyone can be a first-round pick... Speaking of picks, now that TAP is done and the teams are set, let’s see how well your captains and QBs built their squads. And, before you complain that we’re biased and this isn’t fair—yes. But this is also the most fair and unbiased we will ever be, because we used ✨✨staaatistics✨✨. We factored in returning player stats (TDs, INTs, sacks), QB track records, veteran-to-rookie ratios, etc. With that in mind (and since there were no bribes to sway us differently) here’s how we see the teams stacking up this season.

1 Purple Reign (Purple Heather)

On paper, this is the strongest roster in the league. Elle C. clearly knows how to successfully navigate a draft. There’s height, depth, travel experience, and purple returns more proven scorers and impact players than any other team. That paired with Meg L., a QB who knows how to finish seasons on top, is why they sit at the top of our preseason rankings. Their Week 1 match up against Black stands out as the Game of the Week, and it will immediately test whether this group is as dominant as it looks.

2 Gold Stars (Vegas Gold)

A veteran-heavy roster with a championship-level QB in Metz and veteran captain, Judy. There are fewer unknowns here than most teams would like to see. If the chemistry is there, we expect they’ll stay at the top of the rankings all season. Their opening game against Tropic Blue will test them immediately and should give us an early read on whether this roster will perform the way it was built to.

3 Grim ReapHers (Black)

Rounding out our top 3 is a team led by reigning champion QB Court H. and veteran captain Ash H. These two know what it takes to win—in fact they faced off against each other in last season’s championship game. And it’s no coincidence that the data shows that a certain player on this roster has never not won when repping this jersey color (or any jersey color…). With strong leadership, a roster full of talent and potential, and their good luck charm 😉, Black is ready to shake things up.